By Lisa Quadrini, CFP®, MBA and Dionna Poluch, CFP®
For families with complex estates, one of the most common fears is not market volatility or tax policy changes. It is the question of whether the next generation is ready to receive what has been built. Will they steward it well? Will they understand the sacrifices that made it possible? Will they share the same values?
These questions rarely get answered in a single conversation. They require intention, structure, and often the guidance of a trusted advisor. That is where family wealth meetings come in.
Why Family Wealth Meetings Matter
When wealth transfers without context, it can create confusion, entitlement, or even family conflict. Children and grandchildren may not understand the “why” behind financial decisions, and parents may not realize how differently each generation views money, success, and responsibility.
Family wealth meetings create space for alignment. They allow multiple generations to discuss not just what will be inherited, but how, when, and under what expectations. For families at risk of approaching or exceeding the federal estate tax threshold, these conversations become even more pressing. The stakes are higher, and the complexity of the planning demands that everyone involved understands the broader picture.
Start With Values, Not Dollars
One of the most common missteps families make is leading with numbers. It is tempting to begin by explaining account balances, trust structures, or inheritance amounts. But that approach often backfires.
At Brandywine Oak, we typically start with the eldest generation. We ask them what they want their legacy to represent. What principles guided their wealth-building decisions? What do they hope their children and grandchildren will prioritize?
From there, we work down. We meet individually with each child and grandchild, without the parents present, to ask what matters to them. These private conversations allow younger family members to speak openly. The answers often surprise parents. They assume they know their children’s goals, only to discover that those goals have shifted or were never fully articulated in the first place. This is not about withholding information, it is about sequencing the conversation properly.
A Three-Step Framework
A well-structured family wealth meeting typically unfolds in three phases:
- Phase One is the private conversation with the parents or grandparents described above. This is where family values, legacy intentions, and any concerns about specific family members are surfaced.
- Phase Two involves those individual conversations with each child or grandchild. Beyond understanding their values, these meetings help identify where each person stands financially and emotionally. Some may be highly independent and financially stable. Others may need more guidance. Understanding these dynamics in advance prevents awkward surprises during the family meeting itself.
- Phase Three is the family meeting. Think of it as a dress rehearsal. Everyone gathers with a shared understanding of family values, individual goals, and general intentions. The conversation stays broad and specific dollar amounts are rarely discussed in this setting. Instead, the focus remains on alignment: education funding, charitable giving, lifestyle expectations, and what happens if circumstances change.
Education As Common Ground
One topic that tends to unite generations is education. Whether funding a grandchild’s college tuition or supporting a child’s graduate degree, education is often seen as a constructive use of family wealth.
However, even here, coordination matters. If grandparents and parents are both contributing to 529 plans without communicating, there is a real risk of overfunding. And once a 529 is overfunded, the tax advantages diminish and flexibility is lost.
A better approach is to discuss who will fund which accounts, over what timeline, and with what expectations. Some families prefer a partnership model, where children contribute a portion of their own earnings alongside parental or grandparental support. This reinforces responsibility while still providing meaningful assistance.
Addressing Sensitive Dynamics
Not every family meeting goes smoothly. Some children are more financially responsible than others. Some may feel entitled to more support, while others may resent perceived favoritism.
These dynamics are best addressed before the family meeting, not during it. Individual conversations allow advisors and parents to surface concerns privately. If one child has received financial support that others have not, that imbalance should be documented and, in some situations, offset with gifts to siblings to equalize the gifts.
Parents sometimes unintentionally reward one child who needs more financial support, while creating an imbalance with children who are more financially independent. A skilled advisor can gently probe these tendencies and help parents bridge the unintentional gap.
Constructive Support, Not Enablement
There is a fine line between financially supporting your children and enabling dependency. Family wealth meetings help clarify where that line is.
Some families choose to fund specific projects rather than write blank checks. Others tie distributions to milestones like completing a degree, starting a business, or reaching a certain age. These structures are not punitive, they are intentional and communicate that wealth comes with responsibility.
For families with significant assets, trusts can formalize these intentions. A well-drafted trust can specify how and when distributions are made, guard assets from creditors or divorce, and keep wealth within the bloodline across generations.
Make It a Recurring Practice
A single family meeting is a good start, but it is not enough. Children get married, have children of their own, change careers, or face unexpected challenges. Family wealth meetings should be revisited annually or whenever a major life event occurs.
The goal is not to micromanage but to maintain open lines of communication so wealth continues to serve its intended purpose: supporting a family’s shared values across generations.
A Legacy Worth Preserving
Building wealth takes decades. Transferring it with intention takes just as much care. Family meetings are one of the most effective tools to bridge the generational gap, align on values, and prepare the next generation to be thoughtful stewards of what has been built.
If you are ready to start the conversation, call (484) 785-0050, email contact@brandywineoak.com, or get started online. And if you would like to hear from families who have trusted us with their financial futures, visit our client testimonials page.
Frequently Asked Questions About Family Wealth Meetings
What is a family wealth meeting?
A family wealth meeting is a structured conversation that brings multiple generations together to discuss values, legacy intentions, and expectations around inherited wealth. Rather than focusing solely on dollar amounts, these meetings help align family members on shared goals, establish guidelines for giving, and prepare heirs to be responsible stewards of family assets. For families with significant estates, these meetings are often facilitated by a wealth advisor who can guide the conversation and address sensitive dynamics.
When should families start having wealth conversations with their children?
The best time to begin is before a wealth transfer becomes imminent. Many advisors recommend starting with values-based conversations when children are young adults and gradually introducing more detail as they demonstrate financial responsibility. For families with estates exceeding the federal estate tax threshold, beginning these discussions early allows time to align on legacy goals, coordinate gifting strategies, and address any concerns about individual family members before they become urgent.
How much should parents tell their children about their inheritance?
There is no single right answer, but we recommend leading with values rather than dollar amounts. Start by discussing what the family legacy represents, what behaviors and priorities the wealth is meant to support, and what expectations come with receiving it. Specific figures can be introduced later, once family members are aligned on purpose and intent. Sharing too much too soon, without context, can create entitlement or anxiety.
What topics should be covered in a family wealth meeting?
Common topics include legacy intentions, education funding, charitable giving, annual gifting strategies, expectations around financial independence, and how assets will be shielded through trusts or other structures. Family meetings also provide an opportunity to discuss sensitive issues like unequal distributions, loans between family members, or concerns about a family member’s spending habits. The goal is alignment and clarity, not micromanagement.
About Lisa
Lisa Quadrini, CFP®, MBA, is a Partner and Private Wealth Manager at Brandywine Oak Private Wealth, a private wealth management and registered independent advisory firm headquartered in Kennett Square, PA. With more than 35 years of experience in financial services, Lisa works closely with a limited number of multi-generational families to proactively focus on their goals and what matters most to them. She recognizes the importance of capital preservation to ultra-affluent families, sensitive to the sacrifices they have made in attaining their wealth.
Lisa earned a B.S. in Accounting from Syracuse University, an MBA in Finance from the University of Hartford, and the CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® certification. She was recognized by Forbes Best in State Wealth Advisors in 2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021, Forbes Top Women Wealth Advisor 2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021, and Barron’s Top 1,200 Financial Advisor in 2019 and 2020. An active member of her community, Lisa serves as a co-chair for Women for Navy Athletics, as a Trustee for The United States Naval Academy Athletic Foundation, and is on an Advisory Board for the Kiawah Island Conservancy. To learn more about Lisa, connect with her on LinkedIn.
About Dionna
Dionna Poluch, CFP®, is a Private Wealth Manager at Brandywine Oak Private Wealth, a private wealth management and registered independent advisory firm headquartered in Kennett Square, PA. Dionna focuses on helping new and existing clients pursue their long-term financial and investment goals and brings a detail-oriented, client-centric approach to the firm’s wealth management strategies.
Prior to joining Brandywine Oak, Dionna spent several years at J.P. Morgan in Boston, gaining experience in a high-touch wealth management environment. She earned a Bachelor of Science in Marketing and Finance from the Alfred Lerner College of Business & Economics at the University of Delaware, where she was an active member of the University’s Honors Program. Dionna also holds the CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER® certification. An advocate for work-life balance and family, she enjoys traveling and exploring new destinations. She lives in Glen Mills, PA, with her husband, Connor, and their goldendoodle, Howie. To learn more about Dionna, connect with her on LinkedIn.
Brandywine Oak Private Wealth is a registered investment adviser. Registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training. Information presented is for educational purposes only and does not intend to make an offer or solicitation for the sale or purchase of any specific securities, investments, or investment strategies. Investments involve risk and, unless otherwise stated, are not guaranteed. Be sure to first consult with a qualified financial adviser and/or tax professional before implementing any strategy discussed herein. Past performance is not indicative of future performance.
